Laughing at Mir’s Friday Flashback, I suddenly realized I could rival her myself in the food follie department. I love to cook, but I’m the biggest disaster you’ll ever see in the kitchen! Here are a few of my more memorable disasters.

• When I was 12, I made chocolate chip cookies with a friend. Nothing fancy, just the Nestle recipe—with a twist. We added 1 cup of salt instead of 1 teaspoon. Worst cookies I have ever eaten in my life—and that includes the Zeer-oh’s I once got for free with coupons (never, ever eat fake Oreos).
• We got a call from our mortgage company as we were buying our first house saying we needed to come down as soon as possible to sign something we missed. Not wanting to screw up our closing date, we got right in the car and went—leaving potatoes boiling on the stove. Needless to say, we returned to a pot of black lumps. I didn’t even attempt to clean it.
• Several years ago, my one and only attempt to make an apple pie from scratch almost resulted in a trip to the emergency room. I have this fancy-schamncy apple peeler-corer-slicer that does exactly what it sounds like. It was dirty and, being the lazy ass that I am, I decided to use a paring knife instead. I sliced right through that apple and into my thumb. It bled for an hour before I decided to get a second opinion. I called my dad—if you knew my sister, you would understand why I thought of him as an expert—and described the cut. He says “Give it another 20 minutes. If it doesn’t stop bleeding, you probably need stitches.” Dad has always been a fan of the wait and see medical method. I butterflied it and eventually it did stop. I still have that scar.