Maternity clothes suck. Nevermind the fact that they most often come in colors and designs more resembling a circus tent than any actual fashion. They don’t seem to be designed by anyone who has ever carried a child.

Supposedly, you buy your normal size in the maternity line. They are supposed to be made to grow with your belly. What these moronic—and obviously male—designers fail to take into account is the fact that your boobies and your ass grow in direct proportion to your belly. So you don’t tip over.

I find myself most often wearing hubby’s sweat pants with his t-shirts or the few maternity tops that will stretch across my ever-expanding chest. This is not incredibly flattering, but at least I’m comfortable.

Five more weeks. Then I can go back to my regular clothes—at least the ones that will stretch across the milk jugs.