Just Heather
The Grocery Game

Dear Mr. Grocery Store Manager:

When your air-conditioning is out on a 90 degree day, the courteous thing to do would be posting a notice on the front door. I would probably have come back tomorrow with my baby instead of roasting both of us, thawing my chicken, and curdling my milk.

Also, you may think it is clever to put a large basket of honey next to the cereal for those who can’t figure out that honey is in the baking aisle should they want some to sweeten their breakfast. However, those baskets sticking out can be dangerous in an already crowded aisle. Case in point, the large bruise I now sport on my ankle caused by said basket snagging my cart forcing it to stop and my moving foot to barrel into its large metal bar.

Dear Mr. Cashier,

You may not have been a math major, but trust me when I tell you 5 times 2 does, indeed, equal 10. Thus, the coupon you are holding that states $1 off 10 baby foods with the big black and white picture that says 2-packs=1 unit means I only have to buy 5 of the aforementioned 2-packs.

Also, that spinning bag holder was intended to go the other direction, which explains why you had to remove my smashed over-filled bags every 30 seconds when they got jammed in between the bag holder and the big metal bar on the other side.

Finally, a 4 pound bag of sugar may not seem like much to you but to my now-smashed bread that’s a whole lot of weight.

Dear Fellow Shoppers,

I am sorry you got stuck behind me in an un-air-conditioned building in 400 degree heat. Next time, don’t ignore me when I turn to you and say “I have a lot of coupons with this.” I’m not bragging. I am simply trying to warn you that although it appears as if the cashier has already rung up eleventy hundred items and there are only 2 on the belt, he hasn’t even started on the coupons.

Also, rolling your eyes after each coupon scanned does not make the time go any quicker. Yes, I do have a coupon for each item. No, I don’t think it is a waste of time. I spent 20 minutes clipping coupons this morning while watching t.v. I just spent an hour in the store. My savings today? $115.05.

I work hard for the money, but I think $100 an hour is pretty darn good considering I get to keep my clothes on.

6 Responses to “The Grocery Game”

  1. Too funny – and too true!!!

  2. Indeed, I laughed my ass off!!!

    Being a guy, I try and make the grocery trip short and painful. Everyone I’ve ever dated hates that about me but hey, life’s too short.

  3. Being disabled, my husband and my sister (who lives with us) do most of the grocery shopping. But when I do go to the store, it’s always SuperWalmart. And since I used to work there (for over 18 months) I know pretty much everyone and can get in and out fairly fast – when I don’t have to deal with the ignorant shoppers. I’m very blunt and out-spoken. I also lack tact in any amount. So I guess you could say it’s an interesting experience when I do have to go to the store. 🙂

  4. If you warned the person, then it’s their own damn fault for staying. Congrats on the $100, that’s awesome!

  5. HAHA! This was great.. I have wondered if all cashiers have the same level of education, because I have yet to come across one that has a brain! I was admatching limes at Wall-hell, they were on sale 10 for one dollar. The cashier broke out with her calculator.

    Saving that amount of $$ was well worth the sweltering heat, and the coupon eyeball rolling! 🙂