Just Heather

Dear Mr. Grocery Store Manager:

When your air-conditioning is out on a 90 degree day, the courteous thing to do would be posting a notice on the front door. I would probably have come back tomorrow with my baby instead of roasting both of us, thawing my chicken, and curdling my milk.

Also, you may think it is clever to put a large basket of honey next to the cereal for those who can’t figure out that honey is in the baking aisle should they want some to sweeten their breakfast. However, those baskets sticking out can be dangerous in an already crowded aisle. Case in point, the large bruise I now sport on my ankle caused by said basket snagging my cart forcing it to stop and my moving foot to barrel into its large metal bar.

Dear Mr. Cashier,

You may not have been a math major, but trust me when I tell you 5 times 2 does, indeed, equal 10. Thus, the coupon you are holding that states $1 off 10 baby foods with the big black and white picture that says 2-packs=1 unit means I only have to buy 5 of the aforementioned 2-packs.

Also, that spinning bag holder was intended to go the other direction, which explains why you had to remove my smashed over-filled bags every 30 seconds when they got jammed in between the bag holder and the big metal bar on the other side.

Finally, a 4 pound bag of sugar may not seem like much to you but to my now-smashed bread that’s a whole lot of weight.

Dear Fellow Shoppers,

I am sorry you got stuck behind me in an un-air-conditioned building in 400 degree heat. Next time, don’t ignore me when I turn to you and say “I have a lot of coupons with this.” I’m not bragging. I am simply trying to warn you that although it appears as if the cashier has already rung up eleventy hundred items and there are only 2 on the belt, he hasn’t even started on the coupons.

Also, rolling your eyes after each coupon scanned does not make the time go any quicker. Yes, I do have a coupon for each item. No, I don’t think it is a waste of time. I spent 20 minutes clipping coupons this morning while watching t.v. I just spent an hour in the store. My savings today? $115.05.

I work hard for the money, but I think $100 an hour is pretty darn good considering I get to keep my clothes on.


June Page 1.jpgJune Page 2.jpg

I’ve had a few sparks of creativity over the last few weeks. While I have more scrapbook tools than any store and take more pictures in a month than anyone would ever need, I haven’t scrapbooked in two years. Last year a dear friend made me a very fancy embellished scrapbook for Lorelai. So fancy, in fact, that I was afraid to mess it up with my photos and awful handwriting. I decided it would best showcase her series of monthly portraits which would not require journaling or cropping.

I felt so guilty about my other two children once her first 6 months of pictures were in the album, that I went out and bought a bunch of fancy tools and embellishments—none of which I had any experience in using. I tend to focus on simple, clean lines so I can clutter it up with my endless tales, captions, and sticker obsession. However, the giant stack of envelopes full of portraits never given out or placed in an album had me determined to make a beautiful album for my middle child. The oldest at least had her pictures in an album, even if it was undecorated.

I am pretty pleased with the results, but I don’t think I would use the fancy trinkets on a regular basis. They seem more fitting for specialty albums—like the wedding album I pre-decorated for my future sister-in-law—than for every day use next to my own handwriting. I’m just not a fancy person. On the other hand, I was hopeful it would reignite my interest in scrapbooking so I could catch up on the enormous backlog of photos. It just takes so much time to haul out my supplies and put them away again that I really don’t have time for any actual work in between.

Then a friend turned me onto digital scrapbooking. The concept was interesting—available drop-in templates, custom layout options, and completed pages without printing a million pictures. The pictures are already digital so I can crop and drop them in without all the expense and mess. I finished a page of our summer fun activities for June—one for each girl. This first set took a long time because I am learning how to use the software I’ve had for years. I’m hopeful once I get the concepts down I can crank out a set of 3 pages in the same amount of time it would take me to get out the tools for a traditional page.

I don’t think I’m ready to replace the handcrafting I’ve been doing for years, but I do like the printing options I’m finding and the idea that I could turn out an album for each kid in less time than it took to do one family album. The best part is that it can be replicated. I’ve designed the pages for a 12×12 album, my preferred size, but they can be printed in anything smaller as well. This would really come in handy for grandparent albums or printing one for the family and a small one for each child. The possibilities are endless and sort of have my mind spinning.

My brother is getting married in 6 weeks. This, of course, means I need a new dress. Though I am not normally concerned with things like fashion and vanity, I am incredibly concerned about how I will look for the wedding. My two sisters are bridesmaids, my children are flower girls, and my father is the best man. I cannot stand next to my dressed to the nines family and look like the frumpy big sister.

Originally, my little sister—AKA fashion queen—was supposed to shop with me. She hasn’t made it here yet so I actually picked out my own dress, which I am ordinarily not allowed to do because I apparently have horrible taste in clothing. I keep waiting for my sisters to sign me up for What Not To Wear, which I would only pretend to be upset about since it includes a whole new wardrobe.

I found the flouncy, sexy $98 little dress for $24! Twenty-four. Dollars. The sales lady brought me the Oprah bra, of all things, to try on with the dress. The dress looked fabulous and then I found the most perfect shoes in the clearance room. Yes, they have an entire room dedicated to sale shoes.

All this means I had money to spare in my “find the perfect outfit” budget, which brings me back to the Oprah bra. My irritatingly large breasts looked amazing in this bra. They were perky like they haven’t been in years. They stay where they are supposed to, there’s no jiggling, and it is actually comfortable.

I had to have this bra. I needed this bra. A quick look at the $5000 price tag—okay, $62—indicated I should probably run the purchase by hubby. I only had to say “My boobs look amazing” twice before he said to buy it. I am so in love with my awesome boobie bra that I now need it in all 3 colors of all 4 styles.

I will wear this bra until the day I die. And then I will be buried in it so my callers can see how amazingly awesome my boobies look even in death.

I have been to my hometown 4 of the last 6 weekends—most recently for a bridal shower my sisters and I hosted for our brother’s fiancee.

This weekend I travel north to her hometown for her 2nd bridal shower. Two weeks after that, it’s back “home” for the 3rd and final shower. I don’t know that the sister of the groom is actually supposed to attend all showers, but I want to be supportive. Plus, Leslie doesn’t know a lot of people in our two big families. We can be a little overwhelming.

I’ve been so busy the last few months that many things have been neglected—namely, this blog. Though I have been trying to keep up on my blogroll, even if I don’t have the time or energy to comment.

My summer has been full of:

  • library visits
  • weird animal events sponsored by said library
  • breaking up sibling fights
  • park picnics
  • road trips
  • the zoo
  • rescuing Lorelai from her big sisters
  • the children’s museum
  • free movie Tuesday
  • avoiding the neighborhood pool I insisted we had to have when we began house-hunting 5 years ago
  • more road trips
  • ignoring whining about damn near everything (except for being bored—that one I managed to negate!)
  • counting down the days until school begins (exactly 30!)

I dream of bouquets of newly sharpened pencils, after-school specials, and—most importanty—a big yellow bus arriving at my house daily to separate my children.