Just Heather

dressing up so as not to embarrass your brother on his wedding day:


I love Chris’s Love Thursday contribution every week. She always has some adorable sibling love story to share and an eloquent way to do so. I don’t have that (if only…), but I do have a picture of me all dressed up! I was very concerned about looking like the frumpy big sister with “all those kids.” I fell in love with this dress as soon as I saw it—enough to pay $62 for the amazing boobie bra that completes the look!

Also, I may or may not have gotten very, very drunk and fallen off my heels. (If I did, it was because someone even drunker than I pushed me down. I would probably have a very sober witness to this fact.)

My brother is getting married in 6 weeks. This, of course, means I need a new dress. Though I am not normally concerned with things like fashion and vanity, I am incredibly concerned about how I will look for the wedding. My two sisters are bridesmaids, my children are flower girls, and my father is the best man. I cannot stand next to my dressed to the nines family and look like the frumpy big sister.

Originally, my little sister—AKA fashion queen—was supposed to shop with me. She hasn’t made it here yet so I actually picked out my own dress, which I am ordinarily not allowed to do because I apparently have horrible taste in clothing. I keep waiting for my sisters to sign me up for What Not To Wear, which I would only pretend to be upset about since it includes a whole new wardrobe.

I found the flouncy, sexy $98 little dress for $24! Twenty-four. Dollars. The sales lady brought me the Oprah bra, of all things, to try on with the dress. The dress looked fabulous and then I found the most perfect shoes in the clearance room. Yes, they have an entire room dedicated to sale shoes.

All this means I had money to spare in my “find the perfect outfit” budget, which brings me back to the Oprah bra. My irritatingly large breasts looked amazing in this bra. They were perky like they haven’t been in years. They stay where they are supposed to, there’s no jiggling, and it is actually comfortable.

I had to have this bra. I needed this bra. A quick look at the $5000 price tag—okay, $62—indicated I should probably run the purchase by hubby. I only had to say “My boobs look amazing” twice before he said to buy it. I am so in love with my awesome boobie bra that I now need it in all 3 colors of all 4 styles.

I will wear this bra until the day I die. And then I will be buried in it so my callers can see how amazingly awesome my boobies look even in death.

I have been to my hometown 4 of the last 6 weekends—most recently for a bridal shower my sisters and I hosted for our brother’s fiancee.

This weekend I travel north to her hometown for her 2nd bridal shower. Two weeks after that, it’s back “home” for the 3rd and final shower. I don’t know that the sister of the groom is actually supposed to attend all showers, but I want to be supportive. Plus, Leslie doesn’t know a lot of people in our two big families. We can be a little overwhelming.

I’ve been so busy the last few months that many things have been neglected—namely, this blog. Though I have been trying to keep up on my blogroll, even if I don’t have the time or energy to comment.

My summer has been full of:

  • library visits
  • weird animal events sponsored by said library
  • breaking up sibling fights
  • park picnics
  • road trips
  • the zoo
  • rescuing Lorelai from her big sisters
  • the children’s museum
  • free movie Tuesday
  • avoiding the neighborhood pool I insisted we had to have when we began house-hunting 5 years ago
  • more road trips
  • ignoring whining about damn near everything (except for being bored—that one I managed to negate!)
  • counting down the days until school begins (exactly 30!)

I dream of bouquets of newly sharpened pencils, after-school specials, and—most importanty—a big yellow bus arriving at my house daily to separate my children.

Actual Conversations I have had with family members:

Me: I really don’t want to look like the frumpy big sister with all those kids when Robbie gets married next year. I’m going to take Lexie shopping and have her pick out something for me.
Mom: Oh, good!

Me: I finally got the girls to sleep at the same time this afternoon.
Him: That’s good.
Me: Yeah, except I didn’t take a nap like I’ve been trying to do for the last 6 weeks. I showered instead.
Him: Um, okay.
Me: So tonight when I’m complaining about how tired I am, remind me that I smell good.
Him: Right!

Her: Hello?
Me: Are you sure you can wear this vest with a hoodie because I look like a Grade-A Moron?
Her: Um, hi.
Me: Sorry, hi, sis. I look stupid.
Her: That outfit flatters everyone. I’m sure you look cute and you just don’t know it because…you just don’t know.
Me: Are you saying I’ve never looked cute before so I wouldn’t know it when I see it?
Her: Well, not that rude, but yeah!

Me: Are you mad because my celebrity list is so long?
Him: No, I just don’t think you could ever get a celebrity.

Feel the love, baby!

As my sisters and I gathered around the calming vibrations bouncy seat to ooh and ahh over Her Royal Cuteness, middle sis proved she is, indeed, a natural blonde. We’re all silently admiring the beautiful sleeping baby when she suddenly blurts out, “I wish I had a vibrator!”

You know what she’s getting for Christmas.

Well, I survived Turducken Day. I’m thinking of making a shirt. Certain family members were predictably annoying, and we all left reeking of a perfume that makes me ill, but no one started yelling and I didn’t accidentally almost punch anyone. Success!

We arrived at my aunt’s just in time to eat so I missed the fun of dinner preparations—which sucks because this year they had the added bonus of watching the chefs get totally plastered. I did, however, get drunk-dialed by my mom so I got to feel the love. My brother and his fiance spent the entire day with her family and arrived late, but at least I got to spend a little time with him.

I did, however, have a very fun and happy Black Friday! Mom and I were joined this year by my sister, her roommate, and my cousin’s wife. Everything took a lot longer since we had to reunite and checkout at every store, but it was loads of fun. We’d Marco-Polo until we all found one another and then head to the checkouts, where I would usually leave my mother to pay for my items while I went to the car to nurse the baby. She was an excellent shopper—you gotta start ’em young!

I caught up on the entire season of Related with my sis. I also got the hubby to create a ringtone out of the theme song for me. It’s very fitting, especially considering the weekend we just had.

I hope you all had a happy and safe holiday weekend, and I leave you now with my new family theme song:

I hate you, I love you.
You know too much about me.
I have to just kill you,
but then who’d tell me how to live?
Don’t tell me how to live.
Just tell me I’m alright.
Just shutup—why do I ask you anyway?

My baby sister Lorelai comed out! She comed out, and she’s not going back in!


My little sister has called me 3 times in the last 2 weeks for no reason at all. Every time so far I have thought she dialed the wrong number and felt too bad to admit it. However, after 3 times I’m starting to think maybe she intentionally sought me out. This is not a bad thing since I enjoy talking to my sister, just unusual.

Usually, she only calls me if she has a question about cooking, couponing or needs me to run interference for her with someone else in the family. Maybe she’s growing up. 😉 Or maybe her last phone bill was astronomical and she realized next time she made a call just because she was bored it should be to someone on her free network.