Me: Here comes Stacia; make sure you hide her present so she doesn’t see it until Christmas.
Her: Stacia! Look what I got you for Christmas!
The holidays should be all about family. They should be fun and relaxing, what with not having to work and all. Instead they are stressful, tiring and full of headaches. They end up being about which in-laws you can piss off the most.
Each year we load up the car with children and presents to travel…somewhere on Christmas day. One year it’s my family, the next year it’s his. It’s tiresome, but the one year we attempted to put our foots down and go nowhere it just didn’t work out. We ended up going to his grandmother’s house—in our pajamas—anyway. On a full year, we have 6 rounds of Christmas in addition to our quick morning at home after Santa has visited.
This year Round 1 is this weekend. Despite the fact that it is 2 weeks prior to the actual holiday, it will be my favorite. It will be calm and peaceful. No one will be rushed to get to the next location. I won’t spend the entire day wishing I were somewhere else. My children will have the opportunity to actually enjoy their gifts—and the loved ones who have provided them—instead of just watching a blur of wrapping paper fly by on our way out the door.
Christmas Eve is the worst. On a night that should be peaceful and warm, we start off at one of the coldest places on earth—my mother-in-law’s house. Then we all go to his grandmother’s house until it’s too late to enjoy leaving cookies for Santa. I never have the opportunity to sprinkle reindeer food for Rudolph with my children. I never get to enjoy reading a Christmas story in our new pajamas. We don’t sip a cup of cocoa after we’ve hung our stockings. By the time we get home they are too exhausted to do anything but whine.
It’s not that I begrudge him the opportunity to see his family. I don’t begrudge our families the time with us—or let’s be honest, our three children. I just want the opportunity to create holiday memories with my children that don’t center around the perplexing puzzle of fitting everything in the trunk. I want our own traditions, our own time as a family, and memories that my children will look back on and smile.
As my sisters and I gathered around the calming vibrations bouncy seat to ooh and ahh over Her Royal Cuteness, middle sis proved she is, indeed, a natural blonde. We’re all silently admiring the beautiful sleeping baby when she suddenly blurts out, “I wish I had a vibrator!”
You know what she’s getting for Christmas.
We are in the throes of birthday preparations for almost-3-year-old. She couldn’t be more excited—and she has no concept of time—so every day I hear “Am I three yet, Mommy?” I have managed to plan out our party preparations to give her an idea of when it will be. Today we do treat bags, tomorrow we bake cupcakes, Friday we decorate.
Her party is Saturday, but her birthday is not until Monday. I have no idea how I would ever convince her that she is not 3 this weekend. It’s not important, so I won’t bother, but I do want her actual birthday to be special in some way. I think that’s how the “birthday dinner” was created in my family. Every year we get to choose our birthday dinner—we can go anywhere we want (within reason) or pick any menu for Mom to cook.
It has gotten quite predictable. Each year middle sis and I choose a steak house (with our birthdays 6 days apart and our family growing by leaps and bounds we are now forced to choose 1 steak house and share a meal), little sis chooses homemade beef and noodles, and my brother chooses crepes or lasagna. Every year. Without exception.
I mentioned the idea to my little birthday girl and told her she could choose anything she wanted for her birthday dinner and Mommy would cook it special for her. Her selection? Cupcakes. Okay, Mommy will make cupcakes for your birthday, but how about we choose something to eat for dinner too? She has her menu all planned out:
- grilled cheese
- peanut butter sandwiches
- apples
- hamburgers
Well, I survived Turducken Day. I’m thinking of making a shirt. Certain family members were predictably annoying, and we all left reeking of a perfume that makes me ill, but no one started yelling and I didn’t accidentally almost punch anyone. Success!
We arrived at my aunt’s just in time to eat so I missed the fun of dinner preparations—which sucks because this year they had the added bonus of watching the chefs get totally plastered. I did, however, get drunk-dialed by my mom so I got to feel the love. My brother and his fiance spent the entire day with her family and arrived late, but at least I got to spend a little time with him.
I did, however, have a very fun and happy Black Friday! Mom and I were joined this year by my sister, her roommate, and my cousin’s wife. Everything took a lot longer since we had to reunite and checkout at every store, but it was loads of fun. We’d Marco-Polo until we all found one another and then head to the checkouts, where I would usually leave my mother to pay for my items while I went to the car to nurse the baby. She was an excellent shopper—you gotta start ’em young!
I caught up on the entire season of Related with my sis. I also got the hubby to create a ringtone out of the theme song for me. It’s very fitting, especially considering the weekend we just had.
I hope you all had a happy and safe holiday weekend, and I leave you now with my new family theme song:
I hate you, I love you.
You know too much about me.
I have to just kill you,
but then who’d tell me how to live?
Don’t tell me how to live.
Just tell me I’m alright.
Just shutup—why do I ask you anyway?
We are not hosting a Thanksgiving feast this year, though I will be cooking a turkey. We are having lunch at hubby’s grandparents and dinner at my aunt’s house, where there will be no turkey. My cousins are always coming up with some weird turkey concoction to try.
The first time it was a Cajun-injected turkey. For our next dinner he was going to fry a turkey in under 30 minutes! I roasted mine and had the entire dinner ready and waiting for his turkey to be finished 4 hours later! This year we will have the pleasure of dining on Turducken—Turkey-Duck-Hen—a chicken stuffed in a duck stuffed in a turkey. I only wish I were joking.
Since this “uniquely American development” requires 12 to 13 hours to roast, I will not have access to an oven. To solve the problem, I bought a roaster oven
I’ve been trying to come up with something poignant to say about our anniversary all day. Nothing quite seems adequate to describe being married to the love of my life. Instead, here’s a shout out to everyone who thought we’d never make it.
You were so wrong. You underestimated the depth of our love and the strength of our commitment. No matter what comes our way, we’re in it together. Love doesn’t conquer all, but when two people are dedicated to overcoming the odds and obstacles against them, it has a pretty powerful impact.
I love you, baby, with all my heart and soul. Here’s to 8 years and the many that will follow!