A Wordless Wednesday post for Spencer’s grandpa, because the love in a great grandpa’s eyes will convey the extent of our loss more than a thousand words:
7/8/1941-5/9/2009
Stacia, 1998
Brenia, 2002
Lorelai, 2005
Spencer and I celebrated our 11th anniversary with a trip down memory lane. We visited old haunts and enjoyed an entire weekend of fun from our dating days. The actual date of our anniversary was spent at Cedar Point and included lunch at the Weenee Hut (Be sure to use a condiment!).
11 Years and counting
I am a stay at home mom, in large part, because I saw the benefits as the daughter of a stay at home mom. I appreciate that my mom was there for field trips (even when I didn’t want her to be at the time), class parties and carpools. She was my Girl Scout leader. She was a band booster. She was the Friend Mom. It was our house that my friends congregated. It was my parents they called Mom and Dad.
I want to be That Mom. I don’t care that it’s our food they eat. I don’t care that I am the one who drives them all over town. I like that. I know how much kids, even teens, are willing to say from the backseat that they would never tell you to your face. That is why I do what I do.
My favorite memory of parental involvement is from 1st grade. I came home in tears because the kids all played jump rope games on the playground and I just couldn’t do it. My mom went out and bought a jump rope which she proceeded to twirl with my dad on the other end night after night until I was a champ.
Tonight, my daughter told me a story about recess today, her 3rd day of 1st grade. “One person held a big rope and another person held the other side. Then I jumped, but I’m not very good at it.”
I guess I’ll hit Target tomorrow.
I have a problem accepting limits, especially my personal limits. I have gotten much better about saying “no” when I am asked to do things that don’t fit into my life. However, I still take on too much. The problem is that I really want to do each of the things I am doing now. It just isn’t physically possible, but which one goes?
Unfortunately, more recently it has been my marriage. Partly, because marriage is really hard work. I am tired. I am stretched thin. I am fresh out of the energy it takes to nurture a relationship. But it is also, partly, because I truly do know he’ll always love me anyway.
I’m trying to force myself out of the rut. I want to recapture the love that we shared, rather than continue to be roommates. We started this alphabet dating
The idea is to come up with something more creative for a date that dinner and a movie. The only rule is movies don’t count. It has to be something that allows us to connect, rather than sit side by side ignoring each other. We had a couple evenings out, sponsored by the letters A & B. Our first 2 dates were pretty much dinner and, uh, now what? (Quick—think of a dessert that starts with a B!) From now on, the dates will be planned in advance so I guess I just created a second rule. We make things up as we go along.
Next up is C (duh) and we’re trying something a little different. We need to squeeze in 2 dates before E since we have a full weekend planned for our anniversary over Labor Day. Baby-sitters are a bit hard to come by so we’re skipping that part for our next date of campfire & creamsicles. We have everything we need for a date in our own backyard. Now we just need the girls to go to bed on time for once and the weather to cooperate.
07/10/1997-04/17/2008
We are sad to lose you, but so glad your pain is gone. Thank you for letting my children love on you for 10 straight years. You were greatly loved and are already missed.
Spencer and I have been together for almost 12 years, married for 10.5. It’s been a roller coaster—many ups & downs, but we just hold on tight and enjoy the ride. The last few months have been a long series of lows. It’s starting to wear on both of us. We’re figuring it out, and we have a plan now, but it was really touch and go for awhile. Christmas and New Year both sucked so we had it our head that we would start over on the Chinese New Year.
That didn’t go so well either. We’re running out of do-overs. It’s time to just move on, but I’m the type of person who needs the celebration of each passing moment. I need to mark it somehow. Sometimes that comes in the form of a party, sometimes I commemorate an event or year in a scrapbook; this time around I’m using a playlist.
Music is definitely more his thing than mine. He’s all about he music—from his iPod to his guitar to his latest video game. I, on the other hand, am all about the lyrics. I love words. It’s why I am a voracious reader. It’s why I journal in all my scrapbooks to tell my children our stories. It’s why sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will hurt me more.
In honor of Valentine’s Day, I have put together a list of songs that mean a lot to me in respect to our marriage. Maybe they tell our story, maybe they remind me of him, maybe they came out during a time they seemed relevant but mostly they say musically what I can’t seem to get across. I’m sure he’ll find it incredibly cheesy and hate most of the songs on the list, but marriage is all about compromise.
- Just What I Needed by The Cars
- Head Over Feet by Alanis Morrissette
- This Kiss by Faith Hill
- Accidentally in Love by Counting Crows
- Morning Song by Jewel
- You Gotta Be by Des’Ree
- Stick Shifts and Safety Belts by Cake
- Luna by The Smashing Pumpkins
- Green Buckets by Clutch
- Still the One by Shania Twain
- One Week by Barenaked Ladies
- Clumsy by Fergie
- Bubbly by Colbie Caillat
I have been actively reading, but not commenting or posting to my own blog lately. It has been a combination of activities, stress and taboo topics, but here are a few highlights:
- Kids grow too fast.
- Toddler + laptop = broken shift key
- I have something huge I would so love to share, but it has to be a secret for the foreseeable future. I know there are people who read here that have contact with my family (plus, on very rare occasions my family actually reads for themselves). It’s nothing bad, quite the opposite, but it needs to be kept from them for now.
- It’s super easy to lose touch with old friends, but not very much fun. It makes it hard emotionally to lose those connections. I’ve recently reconnected with a few people from my past. I’m so glad to be back in touch with people I was once close to.
- Speaking of emotional, my grandma died 4 years, 2 weeks and 2 days ago today. It doesn’t get easier.
- If I never had to see my mother-in-law again, it would be entirely too soon. Unfortunately, never comes on Saturday.
- The wee one is officially up to the 50th percentile, and just when I start to wonder if it is coincidence or if the gluten free diet is truly worth it, a box of Girl Scout cookies confirms the lifestyle.
- Potty training a toddler with GI issues is next to impossible.
- Potty training a toddler who refuses to wear diapers and takes hers off every chance she gets is completely necessary.
- This list is less random than I thought.
- My new 40-before-40 list is totally random, but not yet full. I’m only about halfway to 40. Then I can start chipping away at crossing them off.
I’m still swimming upstream, but in the interest of full disclosure I’ll work on getting this up-to-date.
- Being sick sucks. The entire family had a stomach bug last week (which we so lovingly passed onto my hometown via my nephew). This week it’s a cold so bad I honestly thought it might lead to pneumonia. It seems to be clearing a bit, but I have been through about 2 boxes of tissues in as many days.
- The armadillo my Girl Scout troop adored on our field trip died in a fire this weekend at the zoo. That makes me unbelievably sad.
- Venatieri can go back to the Patriots now. That is all.
- Except to say I just don’t see this great clutch kicker everyone talks about. Vanderjagt may be an arrogant smart ass, but I’d take him any day.
- I’m working on arrangements to do a live segment on Black Friday. They want me much earlier than usual though, and I was planning to be at Target right about then.
- The pacifier is officially gone. My goal was by age 2, which happened 10 days ago. Two days before her birthday, she went to bed without and hasn’t had it since. She asked about it nightly for awhile, but seems to be over it now. If only potty training were that easy.
- I’m planning a Charlie & Lola Pink Milk Party for Brenia this year. It was supposed to be a Pirate/Princess Tea, but the stupid Birthday Express catalog came in the mail and she fell in love with the C&L crap.
- The gluten free diet has been deemed an official success by the girls’ pediatrician. This time last year we were still in the testing stage and Lorelai weighed 14.4, falling in the 1 percentile. At her 2-year checkup she weighed nearly 26 pounds and falls right at the 50th percentile!
- If anyone has ideas on how to teach organization and responsibility to a 4th grader, I’m all ears. After a month on the Spell Bowl team, winning Power Speller each week, we found out Stacia doesn’t actually get to compete this week. She is an alternate because she did not bother to turn in 3 50-point assignments. Oops.
- Also, if you have ideas on organization for a busy mom, send them my way! We worked hard all weekend and I’m starting to get control of some things around here. However, I have yet to tackle the 50-gallon tub that holds my paperwork.