Just Heather :: 40×40

Jan 28, 2010 | Filed Under: 40x40

…I’ve spent the last 11 years as a stay-at-home mom, adding kidlets along the way. Going back to school was always on the radar (and, of course, made the 40×40“>official list) but I didn’t have a timeline and it wasn’t on my radar. Then, my business began to grow, and I frequently wished I knew more about managing it. An MBA was out of the question since I didn’t even have an undergraduate degree.

At one point, I looked into a business major but I would have been practically starting over after my previous 4 majors. I really didn’t have the motivation to start college as a freshman. It all seemed so pointless to me but I was determined to make it happen eventually, even if just to prove to my dad that I could. Then, a simple, passing conversation changed everything.

My parents were upset that my cousin didn’t invite people to her December ceremony. Dad commented that none of his kids had made it so this was a huge deal to him and they would absolutely have been there—even with Christmas days away. She turned to me in shock and said, “You never graduated? Didn’t you go to Ball State forever?” Let’s see…4 full years, as a matter of fact—including summers. They kind of don’t like to give you a degree, though, when you skip around and drop majors all the time.

That’s when she asked why I couldn’t just get a General Studies degree to be done with it. Huh…never occurred to me. It really got my wheels turning, and I contacted my former advisor at Ball State to see how that worked. She told me I was completely finished minus 1 core science course but I needed a few extra hours plus a BGS requires 2 minors. She turned my El Ed work into 1 minor, and gave me a list of all the minors offered completely online.

To make my decision even easier, she also highlighted 2 minors for which some of my other classes already qualified! I picked Psychology of Human Behavior—mostly because it required less classes but partly because understanding that can only be helpful to a parent. I would later find out that I took so many education classes I didn’t need the minor anyway. One “major emphasis” would count so I was able to stop with the horrid science classes to complete my last few hours of coursework with the business class I would actually use.

For two years, I have completed classes (mostly online), written papers, taken tests and had real &amp actual homework! It was a lot of work, and my family deserves all the credit! The school stuff was actually quite easy—it was just time-consuming enough to take me away from cooking, cleaning and managing things at home. (Not that I was ever good at those to begin with.) Spencer picked up a ton of slack, our marriage suffered (though this was certainly not our only issue) and the Mommy Guilt was frequently overwhelming.

Through the success of our alphabet dating project, the magic of a meteor shower and a lot of hard work, we are happier than ever. The Mommy Guilt, I’m sure, is here to stay. However, I am pleased to announce after 14 years, 10 moves, 8 towns, 5 majors and 3 kids, I am an official college graduate!

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Back to School

Jan 24, 2010 | Filed Under: 40x40, Waxing Nostalgic

Almost 15 years ago, I graduated from high school. At the end of the summer, I packed up and moved to Muncie, Indiana for college. Because that’s what you do next. I was enrolled in the College of Architecture & Planning—after 4 years of architectural & drafting classes, I thought for sure I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. Oh, to be young again and so sure of myself! Before the year was up, I had moved on to Landscape Architecture but that was only the first of many changes.

Just a few short months later, I met the man who would soon become the love of my life. Freshman life continued—I gained the requisite 15, drank a little, flirted with Spencer a lot and went to class when strictly required. Due to the intensity of my architecture program, classes continued through the summer. Most of my friends went home for a few months, but Spencer and I were left behind. The rest is history, and plays a big part in the twists of this story.

I had never really intended to get married and never saw myself having children. As a teen, I ignored all the people who told me everything would change when I found “the one” but I’m a believer now! Suddenly, my entire future changed. I had visions of Elyse Keaton, but it just didn’t feel right. My heart wasn’t in architecture anymore. Before school resumed in the fall, I changed my major to the only thing I could see working with our plans for a family—education.

My exact major was Early Education—I was going to teach preschool like my mom! She was always there for us before school, after school and in the evenings. It was what we wanted for our children. It only took a semester for me to widen my focus and change my major (yes, again) to Elementary Education with an Early Ed minor. I was actually enjoying my classes, and, once again, continued work through the summer to catch up on the time I lost with my first 2 majors. By then, I officially had a ring on my finger. I wanted to finish college as quickly as possible so we could move on to planning our wedding.

That’s when life threw us a big curveball—her name is Stacia, and she just turned 12. Because when I make plans, God laughs. Wedding plans shifted to immediately. We were married in August, I continued school and our daughter was born the following January. Just 6 days after she was born, I returned to classes (part-time) since my parents were convinced if I didn’t stay in school, I would never go back. As long as I continued college, they agreed to continue helping with my portion of the rent & groceries. As a broke newlywed with an infant, free money seemed like a good idea at the time.

I started full time again the following fall, and hated it! During the spring semester, I took a Foundations of Education class with a professor who changed my life. During a lesson on the purpose of education, he posed the question, “Why are you here?” My answer? Because my parents said I had to be. The discussion that followed was involved, thought-provoking and heart-wrenching.

I aced the class, with high praise on my final paper titled “Why I’m Dropping Out of School.”

I see I could have worked harder in all my classes, but I have also realized that it is not because I didn’t want to learn. My motivation lies at home with my family. I am much more concerned with my daughter and our relationship than I am with completing homework assignments. For this reason I have made the decision not to return to school next year. I am going to take a break until my family and I are more prepared. It is this class that made me realize I am in school for all the wrong reasons.

I should not force myself to take classes I do not care about just because it is important to my parents. School can wait until is a priority for me. When I return, it will be because I am ready to learn. The things I have learned over the last semester have empowered me to do what I feel is right for me and my family. Education is very important to me, and I do intend to return. This is just not the right time, and I now see that it is doing more harm than good for me to continue.

I wrote those words more than 10 years ago. I was practically still a child but clearly wise beyond my years! They still ring just as true to me today. I fully stand behind my decision to withdraw from Ball State. My parents, however, did not. I remember my dad telling me I’d never go back. I remember the look of disappointment on his face, and I became determined to replace it with pride. But only on my schedule. My time arrived 2 years ago, when I re-enrolled at Ball State University…

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2010 To Do List

Dec 29, 2009 | Filed Under: 40x40, Hectic Holidays

In lieu of traditional New Year’s Resolutions, I am creating a list of Someday items to complete in 2010. I almost put “Get remarried” but since that is already planned (in Vegas with Elvis!) for January 16th, it felt a little like cheating. I am pulling a few leftovers from our Summer Fun list, declaring a timeline for a couple 40×40 items and throwing in a some fun things I’ve always wanted to do. In no particular order, 2010 will be the year to:

Take a Florida vacation.
Overhaul my wardrobe.
Eat at a hole-in-the-wall diner.
Watch a movie at a drive-in.
Fly a kite with the girls.
Make homemade ice cream.
Get a tattoo.
Play more games.
Be the best bridesmaid EVER.
Picnic at the ocean.

That looks like so much more fun than last week’s to-do list! Some of the items are already in the works (we just announced our fall Disney vacation to the girls!) and some will take a bit of planning, but it will all be fun along the way. If you have resolutions for the New Year, be sure to link them up in today’s Money Saving Monday at my second home, Inexpensively.

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18. Eat a romantic dinner with the hubby at the Melting Pot. (F is for Melting Pot)

Nov 03, 2009 | Filed Under: Alphabet Dating

When we embarked on our first alphabet journey, we selected the Melting Pot as F is for fondue. I chose it specifically because I had put a romantic dinner at the melting pot on my 40×40 list. However, by the time we got to F, romance was nonexistent. It was just not going to be what I wanted it to be, and I tried to convince him to go somewhere else. I believe I suggested Red Robin (F is for French Fries?), but we had a plan and—by, golly—we were sticking to it.

Whether it was self-fulfilling prophecy or I was just right all along will remain a mystery, but our $100 dinner at The Melting Pot was not what I had envisioned when I added it to my list. We were tense, quiet and I was irritated at spending so much money on just another dinner. The setting was nice—they had given us one of the private booths—and the food was good, but the experience only hammered home the fact that we were not a couple. It would be the last of our alphabet dates, and the beginning of the end.

When we started over (both literally and figuratively), the Melting Pot found itself once again listed at letter F. This time, I decided, we were going all out! I wore my little black dress. He wore his pinstripe suit and the fedora! He looked completely delicious and I couldn’t wait to have him to myself over a fondue pot of more delicious. MFJ graciously agreed to spend a quiet evening at home (ours, not hers) supervising a slumber party. The girls were excited, I was thrilled she could do my hair (and loan me the right earrings), then we were off to a late dinner at the Melting Pot.

This time, it was everything I had hoped it would be. The only drawback was we didn’t get a private booth, even though we had actually requested it this time. We were, instead, seated in Lovers’ Lane. It was set off a ways from the open seating area, with high back booths to provide a more secluded dining experience. Regardless, the food was fantastic (especially the Yin Yang Martini), he told me I was beautiful and, most importantly, the love songs in the background meant something.

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Party Invitations (U-Printing Postcard Giveaway)

Oct 19, 2009 | Filed Under: Living Inexpensively, Party Girl, Sponsored Post

Congratulations to Craig, winner of last week’s U-Printing stickers! I don’t usually offer two giveaways within a week, but when U-Printing offered me a postcard giveaway, I just couldn’t pass it up. It was just too coincidental to have this opportunity during the same week that the Money Saving Monday topic on Inexpensively is party planning. We are in the throes of party planning around here—a Feel Your Boobies Cause Party, a Halloween party and Lorelai’s 4th birthday. I have an awful lot of invitations to send in the next few weeks!
gradannouncement
Postcards are my all-time favorite way to send invitations since they are inexpensive to make and to mail! I like to put together a 4×6 invitation, matching the theme of the party. They are just so colorful and fun to receive! The girls can add a personal note to the blank side, add a stamp and invitations are on their way. I’ll be using my award for hosting this giveaway to order the invitations for my college graduation.

After 14 years, I am ready to celebrate crossing #7 off 40×40“>my list. If you have something to celebrate or need invitations, thank you cards or postcards of your own, you can save 10% on your U-Printing purchase now or, even better, win 100 custom postcards here—simply leave a comment, telling us what you’ll do with your prize. You can earn additional entries by:

Following U-Printing and me on Twitter
Blogging about this giveaway
Tweeting about this giveaway: Win 100 free custom postcards from @Uprinting and @JustHeather!

For your extra entries to be counted, be sure to leave an additional comment directing me to your entry. Only one additional entry per method (i.e. While multiple tweets are appreciated it, only one will count as a drawing entry.) The contest runs until October 26th at 11:59pm edt. One winner will be notified by email on October 27th (as selected by Random.org) and must submit their mailing information within 48 hours or a new winner will be chosen. Open only to residents of the U.S. & Canada and cannot be shipped to PO boxes.

Your prize (full color 2-sided printing on 14lb matte paper sized 4×6″ with 4 Business Day printing) will be awarded in the form of a custom coupon code, redeemable at U-Printing.com. Prize includes free UPS shipping in the U.S. (Canadian winners will be responsible for any shipping costs incurred.)

I was offered this giveaway as part of the U-Printing Blog Sponsorship program. I am receiving 100 free postcards in addition to the free product for my readers for hosting this giveaways, but the opinion is 100% real and honest.

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Progress Is My Middle Name

Sep 28, 2009 | Filed Under: 40x40

I’ve come a long way on my 40×40 project—it is amazing the things you can do when you actually make it a priority. In addition to the 6 items I have crossed off in the last year, I am working towards several more. Even if they never get completely crossed off the list, I’ve done a lot of things I probably wouldn’t have if I’d never started the list in the first place. And, really, isn’t that the real goal?

4. Losing weight has been a side effect of taking a dance class. Actually, I’m finding a lot of my items kind of lead into another. The list seemed way more random when I was writing it out over the course of a year. Now that it’s a complete 40×40 list and I’ve gotten started, I’ve noticed there is a bit more of a theme than I had expected.

5. I’ve got a good outline on a book and have actually started a few chapters. What I’ll do with it if I ever actually finish, I don’t know. I’m getting some good lessons on working with editors through my writing at Blissfully Domestic. I’m also learning about meeting deadlines as part of the Mom’s Marbles team. Maybe one day I’ll get up the nerve to pitch an agent or two.

7. I am in my last semester of college. It has only taken me 14 years. I graduate in December, after completing the 2 courses I’m taking now. I’ve already been trying to decide what shoes I’ll wear under my gown!

10. Crossing off #14 was the first step in increasing my income. I have a few other ideas as well and we’re working on implementing them. The real conundrum is a lot of my ideas would do really well, but we don’t have the time to work on them until Spencer can quit his daytime job. He can’t quit his day job until we make more money. Paradox.

12. My Girl Scouts earned a sewing badge last year. I learned a good hand stitch along with them and can now officially sew on a button. I have also gotten pretty good at machine-sewing a straight line. The ultimate goal would be to create something from a pattern. I’ll probably start with a pillowcase dress as a simplistic way to practice.

18. The Melting Pot is letter F in our alphabet dating game—that’s happening next weekend! (As is G, but Jonathan Coulton was not on my list. I guess I’m working two lists too!)

25. I have been modifying my wardrobe bit by bit over the last few months. In another year or two, it will have officially completed an overhaul. Learning to walk in heels was a large part of that. The clothes change when you’ve got great shoes.

26. We’ve been cold composting for a couple years now. I think next spring, we might be able to add some of it to the garden. It has been an interesting experiment. I’m amazed at how much food we toss in there and then a few months later it has decomposed to practically nothing for us to fill up again.

32. This summer, my mom and I froze 16 dozen ears of corn for winter use. We didn’t get our garden planted this year, though, so I didn’t grow it (Also? I don’t grow corn.). It’s only 1 food, though, not a full supply of vegetables. We have plenty of apples to put up this fall too. Next year, I hope to get to even more.

35. Although a Vegas trip is not in the works at all right now, I think just reconnecting with my husband was a good first step in the whole renew our wedding vows idea. Probably, it’s good if we’re, you know, still married when we get there.

It’s only been a year since I started working on the list. I think it’s coming along quite nicely. I have a lot of travel on there, and that’s going to be tricky to squeeze into the last few years. Obviously, completing #10 is going to be key to being able to afford most of the list! Still, it’s not even about finishing all 40. It’s about getting out of the mundane and finally doing things that I want to do. I can definitely say it’s already a complete success.

36. Watch a meteor shower.

Sep 09, 2009 | Filed Under: 40x40, Love Him

Alternate Title: How a meteor saved my marriage.

Okay, so this Perseid thing comes along every August. I am 32 years old and had never seen it. That’s why it went on 40×40“>the official list. I hadn’t made a specific plan to watch it this year, although having it on my list did put it on my radar. I was paying attention to the dates and the optimal viewing time was middle of the night the evening before Blog Indiana. I didn’t think that was wise.

Then, instead of going to bed early so I’d be well rested for my conference, I stayed up late fighting with my husband. I’ve made no secret of our ongoing struggles. They’ve come to a head in huge blowups a couple of times in the last few years, and this one was bad. As in packing my suitcase bad. Then, I read this and cried. Buckets. But it wasn’t enough to make me go back into the house. Pride, probably. Fear, a lot.

I was standing outside thinking about how many times we’ve had the same fight. Wondering how we could co-parent separately if we couldn’t even co-parent together. Trying to figure out how to make it on my own. Contemplating how you can love someone so very much and still not be able to find a way to live together. Something in the sky caught my eye, but as I’ve never seen a meteor shower I didn’t really know what it would look like or what to expect.

As I was looking up, a huge meteor, as in movie effects huge, streaked across the sky. I was doing it—I was crossing off another one! That’s when the tears started. I wanted to tell someone that I had just moved another step closer to 40×40 and he wasn’t there. I didn’t stop to think; I just tore back into the house with tears streaming down my face to tell him I was watching it and he should go watch it too.

He joined me in the front yard to see the meteor shower, but then he grabbed my hand and tugged me to the backyard for the better view. And never let go. We quietly enjoyed the show for a bit, until Spencer went back into the house for a blanket so we could lie down. We watched for a couple hours, actually, and started talking. I realized our life, our marriage is kind of like that meteor shower.

It has its darkness. It has bright beauty. And just when you think it’s over, something spectacular happens. And, just like Perseid, we’ll be celebrating every August. Our latest Alphabet Dating adventure occurred just a few weeks ago for our 12th anniversary. We’re in this together, for life; we just have a few things to figure out along the way.

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20. Get a manicure.

Aug 19, 2009 | Filed Under: 40x40, Fashion Disaster

Today’s 40×40 accomplishment brought to you by Wordless Wednesday:

My first manicure...

And the pedicure MFJ talked me into.

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