Just Heather
2
Any Given Sunday (or Monday)
Oct 18, 2005 | Filed Under: Go Team!, Movie Madness

You can usually find hubby and I camped out on the couch on Sunday afternoon, watching our beloved Colts. This year, we have 3 Monday games—including one late game the night before our daughter is scheduled to arrive. So with all that football on the brain, it should be no surprise that I noticed the Manning-Harrison tribute in The Longest Yard.

Sure, it could be a coincidence that Adam Sandler sported a number 18 jersey in his role as the quarterback. The fact that his practice jersey was blue and white could have been unintentional. I guess it could be yet another coincidence that his wide receiver sported the number 88, but on a blue and white jersey in the hodgepodge of colors? Somebody’s a Colts fan!

So in honor of my Colts and their Monday Night Football win—making us the only 6-0 team, I might add—I bring you this fun blonde joke. It’s okay; I used to be a blonde!

A guy took his girlfriend (a blonde) to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team’s bench. After the game, he asked her if she had enjoyed the game.

Oh, I really liked it,” she replied, “especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her date asked, “What do you mean?”

“Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, they all kept screaming: ‘Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!’ I’m like…Helloooooo? It’s only 25 cents!”

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1
The Sick Is Gone
Oct 17, 2005 | Filed Under: Mommyhood

We’re all better around here—unless you count my constant heartburn, humongousness, and other unpleasantries as illness. I think I must have been ill when I decided to go through all this again, but I digress.

The toddler is feeling much better and making up for lost time. We can’t have an entire 24 hour period go by with peace and calm without some repercussions, you know. Maybe she suddenly realized she’ll be 3 soon and is trying to squeeze all the terrible out of 2’s at the last possible moment.

We had to put a lock on the pantry. A lock. On the food cabinet. That just seems so wrong somehow, but it’s better than my spiderman (woman?) falling off the top shelf because she wanted a different flavor of granola bars. It’s not like the kids’ favorite snacks aren’t conveniently placed at their level. There’s always something bigger and better on the top shelf.

Should I ask Mommy if I can have the strawberry granola bars? Should I tell her I want an apple? No, no, no. I should push this bench up to the pantry, grab the wire shelf and proceed to scale it as though I didn’t fall off the cabinet trying the same thing yesterday. Much better idea.

Thus, in the interest of elminating further ER trips for the year, I bought a new door knob. One that requires a key. Because we all know they can both unlock the inside doors. Heaven forbid I should go to the bathroom all alone and actually expect the door to remain locked. Though, I guess if I let her come with me every time she wouldn’t have the opportunity to climb to the top of the fridge.

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2
Notes from the Sickbed
Oct 13, 2005 | Filed Under: Quotable Kids, Sick & Tired

My poor baby is sick. She spiked a fever last night and puked all over me. I don’t handle that well when I’m not pregnant. She slept with me last night so I could keep an eye on her and keep her fever down all night. I had no idea she was a sleep talker. She’s a light sleeper and prefers to be shut in her room all alone to sleep. This is the first time she’s really been sick, aside from numerous infant ear infections that we discovered were caused by allergies.

I think she may well be my worst patient ever—which says a lot considering the big baby I’m married to. Stacia is content to sleep off any illness and not bother anyone. Brenia is cranky, whiny, and not so good at the “taking it easy” part. She did, however, have some rather comical things to say:

  • I’m not sick; I’m fever.
  • My sick is bye-bye now.
  • I’m tired of sick.
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2
Oops…
Oct 12, 2005 | Filed Under: DVR It, Love Him

Here I sit, all by myself, flipping through our DVR recordings and what should happen? As I innocently hovered over last night’s unwatched Gilmore Girls episode, the remote control accidentally hit play. Well, that’s what he gets for making me watch a movie on a Tuesday night. Besides, we both know I watch it twice a week anyway.

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0
Changing the Count
Oct 11, 2005 | Filed Under: Baby Making, Calendar Girl

Baby is measuring full term as of today. My doctor is hoping she’ll stay in there for at least 3 more weeks since she isn’t actually full term just yet. As long as little bit doesn’t have other ideas, we will induce labor on November 8th. I like having it scheduled. It is so much easier to plan. I’ll have someone here overnight with the girls so when I go to the hospital first thing in the morning I don’t have to drag them along right away. My sister will bring them after breakfast.

There will be plenty of time to pack, load the car, and be sure the house is ready for baby’s homecoming. Being able to give the girls a date instead of a ambiguous “soon” is so much easier for transitional purposes. Her birthday will be marked on the calendar, and the true countdown will begin!

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Maternity Clothes Are for Wussies
Oct 01, 2005 | Filed Under: Baby Making, Fashion Disaster

Maternity clothes suck. Nevermind the fact that they most often come in colors and designs more resembling a circus tent than any actual fashion. They don’t seem to be designed by anyone who has ever carried a child.

Supposedly, you buy your normal size in the maternity line. They are supposed to be made to grow with your belly. What these moronic—and obviously male—designers fail to take into account is the fact that your boobies and your ass grow in direct proportion to your belly. So you don’t tip over.

I find myself most often wearing hubby’s sweat pants with his t-shirts or the few maternity tops that will stretch across my ever-expanding chest. This is not incredibly flattering, but at least I’m comfortable.

Five more weeks. Then I can go back to my regular clothes—at least the ones that will stretch across the milk jugs.

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Serendipity
Sep 30, 2005 | Filed Under: Sibling Love

My little sister has called me 3 times in the last 2 weeks for no reason at all. Every time so far I have thought she dialed the wrong number and felt too bad to admit it. However, after 3 times I’m starting to think maybe she intentionally sought me out. This is not a bad thing since I enjoy talking to my sister, just unusual.

Usually, she only calls me if she has a question about cooking, couponing or needs me to run interference for her with someone else in the family. Maybe she’s growing up. 😉 Or maybe her last phone bill was astronomical and she realized next time she made a call just because she was bored it should be to someone on her free network.

2
If Only…
Sep 27, 2005 | Filed Under: Lovable Critters, Mommyhood

If only our children were so well behaved. I just walked in to find the dog still as can be, poised over some food the girls had abandoned on the floor. Since it’s one less thing for me to bend over and pickup, I told him to go for it. He promptly gobbled it up with —I swear—a smile on his face.

I’m just wondering exactly how it occured to him to stand there and wait for permission. It’s certainly not the norm among the human children around here.

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