Just Heather

My mom had the brilliant idea of driving overnight since there were 6 of us to take shifts in 2 cars. It worked out really well the first time. Then we spent 4 days at Disney World. The trip back wasn’t quite so smooth. Here are some note-worthy (or not) tidbits from our road trips:

  • It’s called cruise control, Mom. Learn to use it!
  • Note to self: McDonald’s milkshakes suck big time. (and, yes, I actually wrote a note to myself. Shutup. I was tired.)
  • The word “FIREWORKS” looks exactly like “HOOTERS” when written in neon red lights. Or maybe driving all night was not such a wise idea.
  • My brother “drives like a retarded mule’s butt.” I don’t know what that means. Ask my hubby.
  • Combining Stackers and No-Doz on an empty stomach will cause you to heave—a lot—on the side of the interstate (just ask my dad!)
  • 72 ounces is a lot of Mountain Dew!
  • It is very hard to fall asleep after you’ve spent 5 hours guzzling Mountain Dew and popping handfuls of candy corn (but at least I wasn’t puking!)

Pictures (not of the puking episodes) coming after I’ve had some time to recover.

Off we go tomorrow morning for my parents’ house. Then, it’s on to the Happiest Place on Earth. I’ll be a tad sad though since I’ll be all cut off from technology. I need a laptop so bad. It’s a good thing I have sibs who like to waste money.

My bro has a laptop I’ll be snagging on occasion. My sis just got a cool new camera phone—I’m suffering from serious tech-envy! I set myself up a handy-dandy text america account so I could stay semi-in-touch with the blogosphere. I’ll be moblogging my heart out on her phone so stay tuned for uber-cool vacation pics.

because I procrastinated it all away! We leave tomorrow for the big family trip. My little sister’s high school band is marching in the Disney World Light Parade. The family add-on packages were so “cheap” my mom couldn’t resist and decided we were taking our first ever family vacation (well, since the addition of my family, anyway). We’ve never all been able to go at the same time. Since she’s paying we all readily agreed to this one!

We leave at 11 tomorrow morning for the 3 hour drive to my parents’ house. My littlest sister will ride the bus with her band. The bus pulls out at 4, so we’ll go help my sister load up and see her off. Then it is back to the house to transfer our luggage to the parentals’ vehicles. I managed to convince them that my car was too little for a 13 hour drive (what I meant to say was too new!) From there we load into two cars (well, a car and a—gasp—SUV) with my mom, dad, brother, and sister. Stop for dinner—probably before we even leave town—then head out on our voyage.

My mother had the brilliant idea of driving straight through since there are 6 drivers. I’m thinking “bad idea” because the two non-drivers are 2 and 7 (well, almost). We’re stuck with it now because I’m too cheap to pay for airline tickets or a hotel room on my “free” vacation.

We’ll arrive Wednesday morning for a breakfast buffet. Then it’s off to Typhoon Lagoon (did someone forget to tell them it is November?) or Disney Quest. I’m voting for “none of the above” and plan to spend the day wandering Downtown Disney which should be all decorated for the holidays!

Thanksgiving Day will be spend at MGM where little one will get to see her very favorite character, JoJo, and her pet lion, Goliath. She’s excited, but I think only because Stacia trained her to cheer when we say “Florida.” We’ll have our feast at the hotel banquet hall with Mickey and friends.

The next day, I’ll get up in the wee hours of the morning to squeeze in at least a bit of Black Friday shopping before heading to Magic Kingdom. My sister is in the night-time parade so we have the day to ourselves. She has promised to walk in with us for the obligatory entrance photo. I also made her promise to meet up with us in Tomorrow Land for the Buzz Lightyear ride. It won’t be near as satisfying to kick my geek hubby’s ass at the video game (again) unless my whole family is there to witness the blessed event.

Saturday we’ll fit in all the little parks that are too lame for a whole day— Animal Kingdom, Epcot (we’d skip this entirely if not for something about Robotech), and maybe a few hours of Disney Quest. Then after the light show we’ll load up for our return trip. I’m sure by Sunday we’ll all be exhausted, but we will still have to leave my parents’ and come home. All in all, I’m excited—just completely unprepared!

Now I’m off to pack!

Stacia: Why is she copying me all the time?
Me: That’s what little sisters do. She knows you’re a grown-up girl, so she tries to learn by following you.
Stacia: So if I say fuck, she’ll say fuck, right?

Probably.

I found out the other day that my beloved Colts get the Thanksgiving Day game this year! I was very, very excited. Until I remembered that I will be in Florida that day for dinner with Mickey and a high school dance (don’t ask). My brother will be heading to the nearest sports bar to watch the game. Naturally, my dad and hubby will go with. I was all excited about the idea since I rarely get to go out, and when I go out with my dad he tends to pay the bar tab. Then it hit me—I’m a girl!

That means I’ll be stuck at the hotel playing woman. Why is it just assumed that because I’m a girl I don’t watch sports? I love my Pacers and I finally understand football enough to truly love my Colts too. It’s okay expected for a guy to watch all the basketball and football he can find. I’m supposed to sit by the pool in the hotel doing my nails while the men go out for beer. Not that I like beer—give me a screwdriver any day!

I just don’t make a very good girl. I can’t even tell you the last time I did my nails, I’m completely fashion-illiterate, and I’ll yell more obscenities at the tv than most guys I know. Though, if I were a dude, I’d just have to deal with the civil rights nightmare of being gay because, seriously, I ♥ men!

When you are going to be late, it is wise to call your wife immediately. This means when the clock strikes whatever hour you are to leave, and you find yourself still at work pick up the phone. Do not wait until the time which you normally arrive home to call and tell your wife you will be late. This would be obvious since you are not yet home.

By this time, your wife may already have:

  • opened the garage door for your convenience
  • lit candles in anticipation of your homecoming
  • hired a sitter for an hour so that she could greet you proper

Okay, so maybe I didn’t do all those things, but I could have!

Okay, guys… here’s a pop quiz for you. You and your wife have a “discussion” that ends with you falling asleep as you ignore her question, waking up, and heading straight to bed alone. Do you:

a.) wake up the next morning and pretend it never happened.
b.) wake up the next morning and storm out of the house.
c.) upon entering your bedroom realize that was a stupid thing to do, return downstairs and appologize.
d.) wake up the next morning and apologize immediately for being an ass.

If you answered c or d, you would be correct. Naturally, the immediate realization of your stupidity would be preferable but an early morning response would be appropriate and probably followed by make-up sex.

Okay, so you failed the first quiz. When you return home from work do you:

a.) continue to pretend it never happened.
b.) ignore your wife altogether.
c.) kiss your wife; everything is fine because you called her mid-morning just to say I love you.
d.) enter the house after work carrying roses and a big I’m sorry.

Again, C or D would be an appropriate response. Once again, the early make-up would be best and would probably have been followed by an invitation to come home for “lunch.”

Enough said.